I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
well you can't waste a boner
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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