If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like death gave me a hand job
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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