the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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