Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
