One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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