i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize