Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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