tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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