I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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