What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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