So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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