My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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