I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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