Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
