Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
