i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
