But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
They are going to name an STD after you.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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