i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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