I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
