The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize