Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
