wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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