I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
