I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
