NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
