Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
