I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
