every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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