...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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