You're a womanizer and a bitch.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
