I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
