My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
