Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize