it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
