Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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