i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
