I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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