By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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