He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
