how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize