If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
