She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
