ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I stole a fireplace last night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
