Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
