watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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