girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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