You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize