apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
