It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
