just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
