I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
