Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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