Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize