Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
