Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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