don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
