so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
