Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wish I only lived at night.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
