So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
