Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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