I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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