so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
