I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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