Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
