beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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