Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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