P.S. I can't hear my feet
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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