My Higher Power is John Stamos
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
