Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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