I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
