i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
