My hand turned me down
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize