I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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