they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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