I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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