Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
