highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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