My boss' voice literally gives me gas
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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