This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
