You're my little dorito
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
